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So, it’s been a few days since I posted on the blog but that doesn’t mean I haven’t been keeping up with Hollywood’s latest attempts at insulting our intelligence. Here are a few items that stuck out to me from the movie/television front over the last few days.
- The folks over at Marvel somehow think Kenneth Branagh is the perfect guy to direct the Thor movie. Even some rumors that he may star as everyone’s favorite Norse god. I can’t understand why in the hell they picked Branagh. Perhaps they know something we don’t but any films he’s been involved with have usually been pretty mediocre dramas. What the fuck do I know though?
- Since Brett Ratner couldn’t get his Guitar Hero movie going, the powers that be in Hollywood have handed him the directoral reigns over the God of War movie. Ratner is said to be directing the video game film adaptation. If you weren’t sure if a God of War movie would suck or not, you can be certain now that Ratner’s name is attached. For those not familiar with Ratner’s work, he’s the genius that brought us not one but three Rush Hour films and ruined the X-men franchise with X-Men: The Last Stand.
- The wonderful minds behind the CW network have decided to capitalize on the Batman franchise by giving us a show about everyone’s favorite bird-based superhero, Robin. That’s right, a la Smallville, The Graysons will follow Dick Grayson before he dons the red and green tights and begins his homoerotic relationship with our favorite caped crusader. If you’re sitting there thinking, “what the hell?” then know that you’re not alone.
- Perhaps this is the moment where Hollywood has gone too far. Some asshole is writing a script for a sequel to the sci-fi classic Blade Runner. There are certain films in Hollywood that deserve enough respect to be left alone forever so that their immortal light never fades. We’ve often seen great films tarnished by unnecessary sequels. That would most certainly be the case were Blade Runner 2 ever hit the screen. Please, leave this masterpiece alone.
Here again to remind you just how fucked up your childhood was!
So Peter Laird, co-creator of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles along with Kevin Eastman, kind of settled things down in a recent interview with MTV Splash Page. Earlier, SlashFilm had reported that Eastman was in the process of trying to get a new TMNT live-action film made, which would basically be a “reboot” or “remake” of the original live-action film. Of course, I posted about how insane the idea of men in rubber turtle suits would be.
In the interview with Splash Page, Laird quelled the rumors of rubber suits saying the following:
As it stands now, there is no intention of doing another live-action film like the first three, with actors and stuntmen in actual Turtle suits, contrary to what was said by Kevin. We have pretty much decided that the next “TMNT” movie should be what we’ve been calling a “hybrid” — that is to say, live-action humans and sets combined with very realistic CGI Turtles (and possibly some other CGI characters).
Alright, so no rubber suits. That’s a good thing right? Well, how damn realistic can you get with giant damn ninja turtles? I don’t care what kind of technology is used, this formula can only mean one thing: another shitty remake. The new TMNT CGI movie worked because it was completely CGI. It was a great movie for kids and the cartoon style fit perfectly. I don’t give a damn if they’re in rubber suits or cartoons interacting with real actors, this will be absolute shit. Sorry, Mr. Laird, the turtles’ best days are behind them. If you want to do anything, make a sequel for the TMNT film but please don’t torture the world with any form of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles live-action film.
