Mark Wahlberg Talks to Animals

I like Mark Wahlberg.  I mean what’s not to like?  He acts the same in every movie, except maybe The Happening, in which he didn’t act at all (don’t worry, Mark.  No one acted in that one).  And who can forget his humble early days as Calvin Klein underwear model/white rapper with his “Funky Bunch?”  Let’s face it, we all dig getting a good laugh out of ol’ Marky Mark every once in a while.  Here’s the latest from last Saturday’s SNL, Andy Samberg nails the impression!

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Star Wars: Clone Wars Animated TV Series Premiere Review

See Clone Wars, you must

Well, the jury came to a stunning conclusion on the Star Wars: Clone Wars film shortly after it hit theaters.  The general public, and traditional Star Wars fans hated it.  I made my point on Hey! Media about how if you look at the film through a different perspective, that of a kid, it was actually not bad.  So the movie was a setup for this TV series which premiered on Cartoon Network.  I have to say, I was quite impressed.  The scores from the original films are being used, or either variations of them.  A lot of the cool themes that made Star Wars so engrossing are back.  Awesome action sequences, a sense of mystery with the force, excellent visuals, etc.  Sure, it has it’s shortcomings.  The Separatist Droids comic relief can be pretty annoying at times.  Many will probably criticize the animation and call it blocky and what not.  I thought the animation was nicely done.  Getting to see Yoda fight again was a pretty kick ass moment as well.  I think the idea with this was to make Star Wars accessible to a younger generation of fans. My generation grew up on the original trilogy.  These kids will grow up on this TV show.  That will interest them in seeing the original films and open their eyes to the whole epic universe that is Star Wars.  Lucas has done it again.  Do yourself a favor and catch Clone Wars every Friday night at 8PM CDT on Cartoon Network.

Check this clip of Yoda kicking some Separatist droid ass from the first episode titled “Ambush.”

Update on Stupid Shit Going on in Hollywood

So, it’s been a few days since I posted on the blog but that doesn’t mean I haven’t been keeping up with Hollywood’s latest attempts at insulting our intelligence.  Here are a few items that stuck out to me from the movie/television front over the last few days.

- The folks over at Marvel somehow think Kenneth Branagh is the perfect guy to direct the Thor movie. Even some rumors that he may star as everyone’s favorite Norse god.  I can’t understand why in the hell they picked Branagh.  Perhaps they know something we don’t but any films he’s been involved with have usually been pretty mediocre dramas.  What the fuck do I know though?

- Since Brett Ratner couldn’t get his Guitar Hero movie going, the powers that be in Hollywood have handed him the directoral reigns over the God of War movie.  Ratner is said to be directing the video game film adaptation.  If you weren’t sure if a God of War movie would suck or not, you can be certain now that Ratner’s name is attached.  For those not familiar with Ratner’s work, he’s the genius that brought us not one but three Rush Hour films and ruined the X-men franchise with X-Men: The Last Stand.

- The wonderful minds behind the CW network have decided to capitalize on the Batman franchise by giving us a show about everyone’s favorite bird-based superhero, Robin.  That’s right, a la Smallville, The Graysons will follow Dick Grayson before he dons the red and green tights and begins his homoerotic relationship with our favorite caped crusader.  If you’re sitting there thinking, “what the hell?” then know that you’re not alone.

- Perhaps this is the moment where Hollywood has gone too far.  Some asshole is writing a script for a sequel to the sci-fi classic Blade Runner.  There are certain films in Hollywood that deserve enough respect to be left alone forever so that their immortal light never fades.  We’ve often seen great films tarnished by unnecessary sequels.  That would most certainly be the case were Blade Runner 2 ever hit the screen.  Please, leave this masterpiece alone.

Shit to Get You Through the Weekend: 5 Underrated Science Fiction Movies

Time for another installment of Shit to Get You Through the Weekend.  Unless you’ve been living on another planet for the last 20 years or so, you’ve seen The Matrix, the Star Wars films, Blade Runner, and Aliens.  Here are five underrated sci-fi movies that you may have not seen.  So, like last weekend, if you find yourself with nothing to do this weekend, run out to your large brand-name video rental chain and pick these up.

Laird Brings Sanity to Live-Action Ninja Turtles Remake Rumors…No Damn Turtle Suits

Here again to remind you just how fucked up your childhood was!

So Peter Laird, co-creator of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles along with Kevin Eastman, kind of settled things down in a recent interview with MTV Splash Page.  Earlier, SlashFilm had reported that Eastman was in the process of trying to get a new TMNT live-action film made, which would basically be a “reboot” or “remake” of the original live-action film.  Of course, I posted about how insane the idea of men in rubber turtle suits would be.

In the interview with Splash Page, Laird quelled the rumors of rubber suits saying the following:

As it stands now, there is no intention of doing another live-action film like the first three, with actors and stuntmen in actual Turtle suits, contrary to what was said by Kevin. We have pretty much decided that the next “TMNT” movie should be what we’ve been calling a “hybrid” — that is to say, live-action humans and sets combined with very realistic CGI Turtles (and possibly some other CGI characters).

Alright, so no rubber suits.  That’s a good thing right?  Well, how damn realistic can you get with giant damn ninja turtles?  I don’t care what kind of technology is used, this formula can only mean one thing: another shitty remake.  The new TMNT CGI movie worked because it was completely CGI.  It was a great movie for kids and the cartoon style fit perfectly.  I don’t give a damn if they’re in rubber suits or cartoons interacting with real actors, this will be absolute shit.  Sorry, Mr. Laird, the turtles’ best days are behind them.  If you want to do anything, make a sequel for the TMNT film but please don’t torture the world with any form of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles live-action film.

Shit to Get You Through the Weekend: 5 Horror Films You Should See

So, I’m starting this new thing on the blog here which I will be calling “Shit to Get You Through the Weekend.”  In my first installment, I’ll be examining 5 horror films which you probably haven’t seen, but should see.  So, if you don’t have shit to do this weekend, go out, rent these, and watch them.  If you do, let me know what you thought in the comments.  Here we go:

Geeks Wet Dream: Del Toro, Zack Snyder on Board to Direct New Heavy Metal Movie

Bow before the loc-nar bitches!

Geeks worldwide may rejoice in the fact that Guillermo Del Toro and Zack Snyder will be joining in to direct some of the segments of the new Heavy Metal animated film.  The original 1981 cult classic featured a series of animated segments with one central theme.  Eastman and co. attempted a sequel eight years ago, Heavy Metal 2000, which was absolutely terrible.  The magazine and films are known for their liberal use of foul language, violence, and nudity.

Personally I wasn’t too excited originally at the thought of another Heavy Metal film, but knowing that Snyder and Del Toro will be lending their creative talents gives a lot of credibility to the project.  Can you imagine Del Toro’s monsters imagined for this film?  It’s enough to make geeks blow their loads the world over.  Just keep Julie Strain out it this time, for the love of God.

If you’ve never seen the original 1981 classic, you can watch it online for free on Netflix if you’re a member.

Snyder and Del Toro to direct new Heavy Metal film

Clive Barker Thinks PG-13 Horror is an Oxymoron

Hell, Barker is gay and even he will admit that PG-13 horror is...well...gay

The MTV Movie Blog conducted an interview with master of horror, Clive Barker, on his take on the state of horror in Hollywood today, specifically PG-13 horror:

“It’s one of the most disgusting developments in the last few years,” Barker said of toned-down horror. “The whole notion of a PG-13 horror movie to me is a contradiction in terms. It’s like having a XXX Disney picture. It doesn’t work.”

Indeed the idea of Pinocchio fucking Cinderella just leaves one with a feeling of nausea.  The same could be said for recent explorations into PG-13 horror.  I’m not a huge fan of gore in films.  I don’t think it’s important that blood and guts fly all over the place in order to create a good scare, but with a PG-13 rating you basically know the limits of what you’ll see in a horror film.  The horror genre and the PG-13 rating don’t go together as Mr. Barker points out:

“To me, you don’t have to throw blood around in every scene, but there has to be a sense — and this is not my quote, it’s Wes Craven’s quote. Wes says that ‘When you go into a horror movie, you need to feel that you’re in the hands of a madman.’ Now what madman makes a PG-13 picture, right? Your horror-movie madman…doesn’t neaten up all the edges and make it all nice for mommy.”

I can’t say I was all too excited about the Hellraiser and Candyman remakes but as long as Barker is involved I know he’ll do the shit the right way.  They are, after all, his creations and he knows better than anyone what it takes to make them work.  Personally, I think that everytime a PG-13 horror movie is made, a demon get his wings.

A Live-Action Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Remake; I Shit You Not

The turtles will be back on screen in a live-action remake of the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie,

Men in rubber turtle-suits may be coming to a theater near you...again

if Kevin Eastman has his way about it anyway.  That’s right, not a CGI sequel to the decent animated movie TMNT.  No, a full-fledged turtle-suit, live-action remake.  According to /Film, Eastman has been quoted as saying:

“Yes, it is true. Although the CGI film did well enough to warrant a sequel, there has been much talk between Imagi and Warners to do a better “re-invention” (newest Hollywood buzzword) of the TMNT’s, in a live action film–like what was done with Batman. Back to basics, back to the origin and the intro of the Shredder, etc…there have been talks, trips to Northampton to talk to Mr Laird, and discussions with the original “first” TMNT film director Steve Barron to come back and do it right–but no official word yet…will keep you posted.”

Burn After Reading or Why I Actually Keep Watching Movies

Holy shit! I haven't been worth watching in a movie since Seven!

The guys that brought us the dude that abides and the dude that kills mother fuckers are back at it again with this fall’s sure-to-be-hit, Burn After Reading.  Sometimes I think the Coen brothers are the only reason I keep watching movies.  Sure No Country for Old Men had a shitty ending, but the film was genius.  The Big Lebowski is a classic comedy with some of the most memorable lines in Hollywood history.  Knowing their track record, it’s quite easy to see why I’m really looking forward to Burn After Reading.  Hell, even Brad Pitt and George Clooney can’t fuck this up.

The film is about the discovery of a CIA agent’s memoirs on a CD by some dudes that work at a gym.  They try to blackmail the dude and shit hits the fan from there.  Burn After Reading opens on September 12th.  Check out the red band trailer for the film below: